//Vegan Kelly Rides Again

In the past, when I got bored, I'd visit Yahoo chatrooms and cause trouble, because I'm mature like that. One of my favourite identities was Kelly Kapowski, a lesbionic pyromaniac farmer girl from Connemara. I've been rooting around some of my very disordered files on my computer, and came across a few snippets from some of Kelly's conversations.

Here we go.

cky200243 (20:32:20): i have a pic on my profile
vegan_kelly (20:32:53): You look like my brother
cky200243 (20:32:59): is that good or bad
vegan_kelly (20:33:28): he is an asshole sell out
vegan_kelly (20:33:49): he obtained family farm land from my great grandmother and sold it
cky200243 (20:34:08): ???
vegan_kelly (20:34:09): now the cows are squeezed into a tiny field
vegan_kelly (20:34:14): we had to sell some
vegan_kelly (20:34:17): so we hate him

howru12003 (20:45:20): like to play?
vegan_kelly (20:45:56): I can play the guitar and the madra
vegan_kelly (20:46:04): the madra is a traditional irish instrument
howru12003 (20:46:17): yes i know
howru12003 (20:46:26): i was looking for sexual play baby
vegan_kelly (20:46:52): But you are in America and I am in Ireland
howru12003 (20:47:14): phone sex
vegan_kelly (20:47:44): too expensive
vegan_kelly (20:47:53): and ever since my father left my mother for that man he met line dancing money has been tight

mingelo (20:42:50): Did I ask U if U liked sex?
vegan_kelly (20:43:03): you did not
vegan_kelly (20:43:12): I don't believe in sex before marriage
vegan_kelly (20:43:19): the catholic church says it is wrong
mingelo (20:43:52): Why do priests interfere with young boys then
vegan_kelly (20:44:42): The Bishop says that those priests aren't actually priests, rather they are protestants who have infiltrated the church in attempt to sabotage its credibility
vegan_kelly (20:45:21): and to derail the reunification of north ireland to the south

vegan_kelly (20:58:18): i never get to party
forplae (20:58:31): not ever?
vegan_kelly (20:58:49): Síle Asal Beag Dubh had a party for her 21st birthday in her fathers barn but it went on fire
vegan_kelly (20:58:58): Someone said it was arson
forplae (20:59:25): so no parties since then?
vegan_kelly (21:00:12): no. mother said i wasn't allowed.
vegan_kelly (21:00:20): I told her not to worry.
vegan_kelly (21:00:29): they were never able to link the fire to me anyway.
forplae (21:01:27): how did the fire start?
vegan_kelly (21:02:03): Something I learned from my nan. she fought the english in the Aran War.
vegan_kelly (21:02:20): I took some gasoline from the combine harvester
vegan_kelly (21:02:49): And i put it in a bottle and BLAMMO
vegan_kelly (21:03:01): That was the last time Síle ever showed me up

vegan_kelly: Father says I'm ugly like my mother
vegan_kelly: She ran off with his brother for a new life in the metropolis of Kerry
rosy_mylovelol: I bet u have beautfill tits i think that
vegan_kelly: But we're not supposed to know about it
vegan_kelly: What are tits?
rosy_mylovelol: breasts
vegan_kelly: Oh. Ladybumps. I like those. When I'm showering at school I sometimes watch the other girls lather up their breasts
vegan_kelly: There's this one girl, Mary Harney
vegan_kelly: She makes me want to touch my dirty business
rosy_mylovelol: do u have big nipless
rosy_mylovelol: i like that
rosy_mylovelol: do u?
vegan_kelly: I don't know
vegan_kelly: There are no mirrors in our house. Father says they'll make us vain.
rosy_mylovelol: can i see ur beautfill nipless
vegan_kelly: What?
vegan_kelly: English isn't my first language. I must go now, electricity is expensive in Ireland

//Tom Goes Nanners

Seeing as how Tom "Straighter than a straight thing and I'll sue your ass for $15,000,000 if you say otherwise" Cruise is getting more and more insane as time goes by, now seems a good a time as any to visit the root of much of his Nannersness: Scientology, the "religion" that gives me hope that I can one day find people to follow me as I spread the word of Nan.

Tom goes Nanners on psychiatric meds:
http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/322208p-275490c.html

Extracts from Scientology founder and all round nutcase L. Ron Hubbard's FBI file:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0624051hubbard1.html

Everything you ever wanted to know about celebrities favourite religion:
http://www.xenu.net/

Absolutely the best of the lot: An article from Time magazine, c.1991. Long, but fascinating.
http://www.xenu.net/archive/media/time910605.html


Zoooooooooooom.

//Withering Gay Discussion #134

The two little quoties below are pulled from a discussion on homosexuality I came across on a forum that has absolutely nothing to do with homosexuality. I imagine there are thousands of such threads, and most forum literate people have probably stumbled upon them at some point. This one was no different from any of the others. It concerned plans by a Baptist organisation to run a ministry on curing homosexuality in the midst of some US city's gay pride celebrations. As is typical, you have your posts from gay people, inured to this kind of thing; posts from sane people, aghast at this sort of thing; and posts from Christian types aiming to justify the intent or actions of the group causing the ructions among the former two.

The following struck me as the undeniable highlights of an otherwise unremarkable and by-the-numbers tete-a-tete on homosexuality:

Post: I also believe that God wants them to follow his guidlines that he sets out for us, they are there to help us, not to hurt us. Basically, he knows what is best for us, even though we may not know sometimes and we may get mad at Him for some of the things he wants us to do. But who are we, we are the pot and he is the potter, should the pot tell the potter how to build it?
Response: I'm not gay, but I do have a comment for you:I don't give a shit what your imaginary friend "wants". How's THAT grab you?

Heh. Brought a simle to my face anyway. Sometimes, in amongst the immense paragraphs and carefully worded arguments that make up the war of words in these types of posts, it's the simplest statements that are the most striking.

The following was noteworthy for similar reasons. Again, a response to another post, what made it grab me was the simplicity, and beauty of it.

Post: Since you gave an example, I'll give one: If your child is on his deathbed diagnosised with a disease that is uncurable and he/ she asks you, "What will happen to me after I die?" Do you want to say that he's going to go into the dirt and be food for bugs or would you rather say that he will go to another place similar to Earth where he'll live forever?

Response: Actually, I would rather live in reality. It is just disturbing that people would fall for religion simply so they may feel comfort in times of grief. I mean it sure is tempting to think that way, but it is also a sign of weakness. I have told my children, way before they will hopefully ever see their death bed, that we are all part of the universe. I have told them that when they die their atoms will, with time, scatter to form new stars and new planets.

Sometimes, the truth is more amazing than the made up.

I love how when there's the slightest hint of sunshine, Scummer's immediately roll down their car windows and turn their Pimp My Ride Fuck Off Sound System up to da maxx and inflict their generic repetitive dance music feat. an 80s sample and a woman on vocals on everyone. The knacks across the road have turned hanging around d'wall outside d'house wit d'windows down on d'car and d'choons a-bangin' into an artform.